My Fight Was Lost.....

I have nothing to say except that I lost.... I lost my whole life....

The Velvet Rose Petal: NWB Giveaway

The Velvet Rose Petal: NWB Giveaway

The Past Week...

During the past week I have gotten some information that was much needed yet cannot be used except for my own knowledge. I was given information from a source who will remain anonymous. First of all, I was told that SRS cannot substantiate findings soley based on interviews and no documented proof or evidence. Therefore, I was told, the fact that my husband and I are appealing the decisions SRS made to substantiate sexual abuse and lack of supervision was a good choice.

I was also advised that obtaining a foster care license can take over a year to get and so this had to be something that this woman has been planning on doing for quite some time. Also, the fact that my daughter calls her mommy yet when I ask her who she is talking to she clearly tells me that she was talking to Anna that this is a sign of coaching her to call her mommy, as well as the fact that during visits my child does not act fearful of my husband yet talks very openly and friendly about him that this would point to coaching as well to get her to say negative things about him. I was told that usually with children this young once they are placed in counseling and talk about "bad things" that happen to them they begin fearing the perpetrator if these acts are in fact happening. If these are simply stories the child is feeding then there is no fear because these things aren't happening.

I was also advised that in court since there is not even an open police investigation that I should be able to win at trial. I was told if I do not win to take it to a jury trial. The case is based on hearsay from Anna and the therapist. There has not even been any recordings of interviews done between my child and the therapist. I was told to request a court ordered 2nd opinion as well as to have Anna take a psych eval also.

I had a visit with my daughter Friday and it was awful. They literally had to get another worker to take her so that I would be able to leave. She kept crying and holding on to me telling me she didn't want me to go and that she wanted to stay with me. It was horrible and heartwrenching. The worker who sat in on the visit said that that is good for him to hear her beg for me not to go yet why won't they allow her to come home?! None of this makes any sense. I feel like I am drowning and I keep clawing my way to justice.

So Many Questions, yet no one can answer them...

Several questions today. I have been up for a long time thinking about the whole SRS and child protective services thing.

Question 1: Since my duaghter was placed in a "kinship" placement with this woman who is accusing me and my husband of such horrible things then why when I requested a kinship placement for my son I was denied yet the worker moved my son up to Topeka to be placed in a kinship placement with Anna? (Anna is the woman who is accusing my husband of abusing my daughter and me of not caring for her.)

Question 2: Since the therapist my daughter is seeing says they do not think it is a good idea for my child to get involved with another therapist because her accusation and activity may stop then why wouldn't they move her to get her out of the environment that is causing the activity and accusations?

Question 3: Since the case worker has agreed to drive here every other week for visits then a counteroffer on placement would be that they move my daughter here to a foster home, getting her out of the accuser's home, and then transport her back up to Topeka for her therapy sessions. That seems like a fair compromise does it not?

Question 4: How can a report state they do not know for sure when abuse occured but they simply believe it occured and that they are not sure where yet substantiate an entire case on it?!

These are some thoughts I had this morning and really wish I could get some straight answers!!! These people are unfair and not thinking this thing through properly!

The News of the Day...

I just found out that I am FINALLY getting a visit with my daughter, whom I haven't seen in 3 months and I am getting to see my son! The visit will be tomorrow. The case worker in Topeka is driving my daughter to Wichita for a 2 hour visit and I will get to see the baby right before for an hour. I was told that we are going to start doing regular visits with them. Twice a week for my son and once a week for my daughter. They have set up where I will travel up to Topeka every other Friday and they will bring her here every other Friday for visits. I will be seeing my son twice a week here in Wichita and on the weeks my daughter comes down I will have him for that visit as well so they may see each other.

Please pray for me that they see I am a good mother and that I deserve to have my kids. I miss them so bad. I want them to grow up together and for them to be able to know me and for my family to be able to be complete. I cannot lose this battle. I must win and I must prove these people wrong about me so that I may get my children back HOME!!!!

Today Has Been a Bad Day.... and it's only 11am :(

Well so far today has not been good for me. I feel as if I am falling into a deep depression. I cannot stop crying uncontrollably. I wish I could simply stay in bed all day but I have to be out working so that I can pay the bills. I went to my doctor's appointment this morning so that he could check on my incision from my c-section. They were asking after the baby, which I no longer have, and this put me into a tailspin. As soon as I get to the car I start crying and continued to cry once I got home. I then sat on my bed and went through all of the clothes my son had worn before he was taken away. I even found a onesie he had worn that I hadn't washed yet so I just kept breathing him in. How I miss my baby. I love my kids so much man. The problem with my newborn is that we haven't even gotten that bonding time yet. I was breastfeeding and had to abruptly stop, that was emotional for me. I even kept pumping for several days but I wasn't making enough milk just by using the pump so I finally had to throw in the towel. At least with my 3 year old she knows me. He will start his life with someone else holding him and changing him and playing with him when he starts playing. Someone else will be there for his first words, teeth, step etc.

I placed his onesie under my pillow.

The Beginning of the Battle

All of this started for me the day I decided to move back to Wichita, KS from Colorado. After living in CO and only working part time, bills were piling up, I wasn't happy there and we were paying almost 600.00 a month in child care alone. Finally I talked to my husband and we decided moving back to KS would be better since we would have friends and family there to help us. Little did I know as we drove the long 8 hour drive, that this would literally be the last time I had my 3 year old daughter with me on a car ride.

December 11, 2009 my husband, daughter, and myself got into the truck and began our trip back to Kansas. We had made plans that since we would be looking for work, and it was going to be hard for me to find a job since I was 5 1/2 months pregnant, that my daughter would be dropped off to visit her godmother who lived just a couple hours away. We planned on picking her up on Christmas day and bringing her home because we were going to have her brothers come over and visit so we could all exchange gifts.

Once we got into Kansas I called my friend, or so I thought, and we decided that she would meet us in Salina to pick up my child and then my husband and I would head on to Wichita, another hour away. We got into Salina at about 9pm, stopped and ate dinner and, after driving around crazy trying to find where my friend was, we met up and I kissed my baby goodbye and told her I would call her later and to have a good time.

Over the next couple weeks I spoke with my daughter regularly and since we still had not found jobs and our tags had expired on the car, my friend offered to drive my baby home to me when she came into town for court on January 22nd. I agreed that this would be fine since I had known her for years and my entire family and I had spent many weekends with her visiting. I remember very clearly talking to my daughter on January 1st and her telling me that she loved me and that she couldn't wait to come home on the 22nd. I then spoke with my friend and was told to call and talk with my child that following Sunday or Monday.

Sunday morning a little after 4am I recieve a call from police in Topeka, KS and they state that my daughter was placed into police protective custody due to allegations and that I would have to call the intake center to find out when I go to court. I called the intake office and was given the court date of Wednesday the 6th and that they could not give me any other info. I kept calling around like crazy and finally got to a dead end where I would have to at least wait until Monday to speak with someone in the detective's office. On Monday morning I called and spoke with a detective and was advised that my child's godmother took her into the hospital saying she believed my child was being molested and had her checked. The officer advised there was no evidence of any abuse and that I should be able to pick up my daughter shortly. I kept calling SRS and was advised I had to go to a temporary custody hearing on the 6th to see if I could get her back.

Once at court I recieved the paperwork and the allegations were incredible. Needless to say, I did NOT get my child back. They stated in the court documents that I had not cared for my child and that I saw her MAYBE one month out of each year since she was born, that my husband is believed to be molesting her, that each time I saw her and took her back to my "friend" she was filthy and unkept. None of which is true and I have photographic evidence to prove these are lies. My child was then placed back into a foster home in Topeka, KS which is 2 hours from where I live. I have never lived in Topeka. Slowly, I begin to get tidbits of info that my friend has said that my child was given to her at birth, the case workers say that there is a child's bedroom there, which I also have photos to show this false as well. I find out also that this woman has taken foster care classes which take 10 weeks and is licensed as a foster worker. Very interesting. Neither myself nor my husband have a criminal background and have never been accused of ANYTHING like this before!!!

My question is that if I never kept my daughter how could any abuse occur in my home? If the abuse happened at the hands of my husband, when could it have happened since he was working 13 hrs a day as a mover and why would she say things to say I am a bad mother if she is simply trying to help me look out for my child? Little things like this didn't add up for me right from the start. This woman is HIV positive and yet the courts placed my child in her care even though the court ordered family placement. SRS inspected my daughter's grandmother's home, her aunt's home etc and she was still placed in the home of the accuser.

Since all of this has happened I have hired and attorney and we are fighting very hard to prove these allegations wrong. There has been no criminal charges filed, yet SRS substatiated that I neglected my child and that my husband abused her. We have worked with the police and they have stated they are not filing charges as there is no evidence. I have not seen my child since February and I don't even get to talk with her on the phone because the woman who has her makes sure she is sleeping when I call to talk with her at my appointed time. Since January, my daughter has started calling this woman mommy and calling me Crystal. This is NOT normal!!! No one will listen to me no matter how much of the story doesn't fit.

Remember how I mentioned being pregnant earlier? Well, I have since had my son. 7lbs 2 ozs of pure cute heaven! He is the sweetest little guy! I gave birth by c-section on 4/20/10 and took my son home on the 23rd. I was readmitted back into the hospital for heart distress and high blood pressure on the 27th and remained in the hospital, with my son there with me, until the 30th. I was so happy that I was finally able to be home with my baby and was saddened that the two kids could not be together at home at the same time. Well, on May 4th, after taking my baby to his 2 week appointment, I go home and SRS comes knocking on my door. They inspect my home and find everything in order and yet STILL take my son!!! I then recieve paperwork on my door that they are filing a motion to terminate my parental rights!!!!! The following day I go to court and they decide that based on the case with my daughter to keep him in custody, even though the report shows he was well cared for. During the court hearing, I find out that Topeka SRS came down to Wichita and took my son up to the same woman who is trying to steal my daughter!!! I also spoke to the SRS worker here in Wichita and told her that the documents I recieved were a termination order. She said oh, well that was a mistake, should have only been a child in need of care petition. Talk about emotional distress!!!!!! How can they make these types of mistakes?!

The judge in Wichita was very upset to hear this and even more upset that I had not been a priority to get and keep having visits with my child. He ordered for my son to be brought back to Wichita IMMEDIATELY. I then recieved a call from the worker in Topeka and was advised that they were not moving him because they were going to take it back to court to try to overturn the judge's order and keep my son there. Needless to say, the judge did not change his ruling and when the worker in Topeka started trying to find my son to bring him back to Wichita they could not find the foster parent. Hmmmmm, if she knew that they may be picking him up to transport him back to Wichita then why would she not be answering her cell phone nor her home phone?! They even drove by her home and she was not there! I did email the worker today and he advised me that they did find my kids and they transported my son back to Wichita last night. I would think that they would call me to let me know everything was ok, but I guess not.

I am reaching out for as much publicity as I can get. Please share my story. Please find me on Facebook. I have posted my story there as well. I know that there are things that I have left out due to my distress and rushing to post my blog. At this time, I am looking for an apartment for my husband, we have to live separate and not be together. I am looking for ways to make money to pay for my defense and to pay my bills. I only make 8.50 an hour and lowering my income by separating from my husband is going to be very difficult. My attorney's name is Weston Moore and his phone numebr is 866-214-5863. His address is 13401 S. Mur-Len Rd, Olathe, KS 66062. We are battling daily to try to get my babies back. I am so confused as to how a story that is so confused and where statements do not match the allegations, how the state can still keep kids away from their families? I love my kids and I miss them terribly. I have followed all court orders and yet I still cannot even get the visits I am supposed to get. Anyone who has any advice or would like to help in my fight please email me or contact my attorney. crystaldtadlock@hotmail.com