Well so far today has not been good for me. I feel as if I am falling into a deep depression. I cannot stop crying uncontrollably. I wish I could simply stay in bed all day but I have to be out working so that I can pay the bills. I went to my doctor's appointment this morning so that he could check on my incision from my c-section. They were asking after the baby, which I no longer have, and this put me into a tailspin. As soon as I get to the car I start crying and continued to cry once I got home. I then sat on my bed and went through all of the clothes my son had worn before he was taken away. I even found a onesie he had worn that I hadn't washed yet so I just kept breathing him in. How I miss my baby. I love my kids so much man. The problem with my newborn is that we haven't even gotten that bonding time yet. I was breastfeeding and had to abruptly stop, that was emotional for me. I even kept pumping for several days but I wasn't making enough milk just by using the pump so I finally had to throw in the towel. At least with my 3 year old she knows me. He will start his life with someone else holding him and changing him and playing with him when he starts playing. Someone else will be there for his first words, teeth, step etc.
I placed his onesie under my pillow.
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